Opinions: The little things: “Me, myself and I”

Independence; the difference between being alone and being lonely.


Hannah Mellor

Beyoncé was larger than life during her performance at the Scottrade Center.

Two weeks ago, I got to be a part of Beyoncé’s Formation World Tour. That’s right: VMA Best Female Video, Best Pop Video, Best Choreography and Video of the Year award winner. I was in the presence of greatness and loved every minute of it.

The best day of my life was the day I realized that my life is my own–no excuses nor apologies.

Over 10,000 fans clapped and screamed on their feet after every song. I realized Beyoncé was not only right, she was speaking to me. Her song “Me, myself, and I” made me want to be that strong, independent woman.

This was the day my life really began.

I don’t need someone to rely on, lean on or blame.

The gift of my life is that it is my life. It is extraordinary and adventure-filled with highs and lows. I alone am responsible for the quality of it.

The people in my life aren’t always there for me. They are constantly leaving and coming back. When my childhood friend texted me asking to hang out, I was shocked. I had not talked to her in years.

I am learning to handle things on my own. I am learning to make myself happy on Saturday nights when my friends aren’t up to do anything. All I need is “How I met your mother” and mint ice cream.

I don’t want pity for not being able to stand on my own. I want respect for being strong, independent and responsible.

Over the past year, I have transformed into a person who enjoys being alone.

I like to go on walks with Daisy, my puppy Corgi/Beagle mix, through the open space that is Lake Chesterfield (which does have water in it again). I lay in under the covers with all the lights off in the dark listening to Beyoncé belt out “Don’t hurt yourself.”

Some weekends, I like to stay home on a Saturday night and watch Simba take on an unfair world.

I like quiet time to myself. Happiness for me is being independent. I enjoy taking a bubble bath with steaming hot water while watching “How I met your mother.”

However, I don’t like being alone for a long period of time. I don’t like being alone long enough for the negativity in my life to take over. For the feeling of loneliness to fill my head.

I have my best friends and my sweet boyfriend who never fails to fill with me joy and laughter like when he lost a game of tug-a-war with Daisy which ended with bite marks on his nose.

But sometimes I forget about the relationship I have with myself.

While I never want to feel lonely, I do crave my alone time.

Certain things in my life I am better off doing alone – like studying for a test. My friends like to go to Bread Co. to study and do homework together. It sounds like a smart idea, but I’m never productive.

When watching movies with my family, I end up talking, distracting myself and then having to rewind the movie because I missed the best part.

Often, I find myself forgetting to find time to relax. I always want to go-go-go. I want to go to the football game, and then my friend’s house, and then the very next morning go out for breakfast with my family. But sometimes I realize I can’t do everything all the time.

Some of the happiest, most enjoyable moments in my life are simply with myself, like writing in my grandmother’s handed-down notebook on my back deck, the breeze whispering over my skin and the sun heating my bones.

At the end of the day, life is about making me happy and being able to say I am proud of who I am.

If I come home from school, volleyball practice or my friends’ house and I feel happy, I have completed my goal.

This is my life. No one else’s.

I am independent.

A happy ending doesn’t always include somebody to lean on, maybe it’s me, picking up the broken pieces that have left antagonism in my life and starting over.

My happy ending is being independent just me, myself and I… and maybe Beyoncé.