Opinions: Hindsight: Naming the next generation

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“No really, what’s your name?”

When I’m older and I have a child, I want his/her name to be something pretty, charming and maybe even oldfashioned. What I won’t do is name my kid after a food or direction or plant or something ridiculous such as North West or Apple Martin.

Why on earth would anyone name their child something so meaningless? It’s pure irresponsibility to give a name like Fifi to your kid. I think of a dog when I hear the name Fifi. When I hear North West, I think of Northwest airlines not the daughter of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian.

I think of how much that kid is going to dislike his/her name when they grow older. I guarantee they’ll change it. I picture Apple Martin (Gwenyth Paltrow’s daughter) in school and a teacher calling on her in class, “Okay Apple, will you please read pages 1-3?”

Not only will poor Apple Martin get sick of her name but she will probably get bullied, too. Naming a kid something so random is irresponsible and creates chances for that child to get made fun of by not only other kids but adults, too: “Hey, Banjo, wanna join our band? You could be our lead instrument!”

More than half of celebrity baby names are just ridiculous and illustrate the gap between the world of celebrity and privilege and the rest of us. Branding children with these names means a life apart from the typical American.

Having a child should be a serious, life-long decision not a statement of lifestyle.

Avery, Carissa, Allison, Michael, Ryan, Johnathan and Christopher are names I’d want my kid(s) to have. They’re traditional.

People say they want their kids to have unique names. I understand that, but holy cow, Blue-Ivy (Beyonce’s child)? Isn’t that a poisonous plant?

We do not need the next generation to be full of Diesel, Fifi, Sailor, Calico, Lyric… Seven. Yes, those are all the real names of celebrity children.

These parents and/or celebs need to take some responsibility and do their best to protect their children from the world. Drop any of these kids in EHS and their uniqueness will be readily apparent. Maybe they will be safe living their insulated lives in Los Angeles but the rest of us live in reality.

These celebrities’ children might as well wear a “I live in a world of privilege” sign on the back of their shirts.